Posted on : 12-28-2009 | By : Sadie Smythe | In : Uncategorized
The subject of whether or not to use a condom came up recently, with someone not my husband, and at a moment when I was naked and horny and therefore totally incapable of explanations of any kind. When I am in such an exposed, vulnerable, and decidedly aroused position, I am not in my most rational state. I may actually be in an irrational state, prone to making decisions I might not otherwise make while clothed. Luckily, this time I had my wits about me enough to reply with a categorical, Yes a condom is absolutely necessary, darlin, but history has proven that, while I’m naked and horny, I can offer no more justification as to why such protection is paramount. So, I supplemented my reply with a resolute and effective, It’s not in my practice to fuck without a condom, and we continued forth …
And fucked with a condom.
Listen, I know that sex is exponentially better without a barrier. I am under no illusions to the contrary. But, I also know from experience that sex can be great, fantastic even, with the use of condoms, and that it is often just a matter of finding a brand and size that fits and feels the best. Besides, for me, just being aware of the statistical safety from STD’s and pregnancy that condoms purportedly offer can actually increase sensation, or at the very least, decrease the anxiety that I would surely be having if I was knowingly fucking someone I don’t know all that well without a condom.
Because Hubby and I have promised each other that we will always use condoms with our other partners.
I have, admittedly, made the choice a few times to go against this particular value that Hubby and I decided upon as one of the more important guidelines of our open marriage. Always use a condom is high up there on the list. But there were a handful of times that I justified breaking this agreed-upon golden rule — once under duress in the form of Charles’ condom-induced erectile dysfunction, topped off with a shot of impulsiveness and a strong dose of impudence (mine), and twice generated by virtue of a deep desire to bond fully with Andrew, plus more of that nasty impulsive impudence.
I’ve admitted it. I’ve been admonished for it. And I’ve agreed to never do it again.
Not that there were any physical repercussions as a result of me making these choices. There were no diseases acquired or otherwise spread. There were no unwanted pregnancies. But, it hurt me to know that I did something that was clearly in breach of the tenets of our open marriage, and it hurt Hubby when he became aware of my transgressions (I ‘fessed up.)
So, I will not make the choice to go condom-less again, unless it is a circumstance that Hubby and I have discussed and agreed upon beforehand.
And we would not come to any agreement on said possibility until there were tests run, commitments made, and trust established.
Because the fact is that I don’t know at all what anyone else I am having sex with has been up to, who they’ve fucked and how, and consequently what diseases they may have, and what those that they’ve fucked have been up to, and who they’ve fucked and how, and consequently what disease they may have … and so on, and so on, and so on.
And they, too, can (and should) take that same linear and sometimes circuitous route when considering me and my past (and present) partners.
And as we know, condoms aren’t even 100% effective in keeping STD’s at bay, they only lessen the probability that they will be transmitted.
We know this, right? Don’t we?
So, whether or not to use a condom is sort of a no-brainer, especially in the beginning, until there have been conversations had, tests run, trusts ensured, and mutual decisions made.
And the decision to not is never a decision that should be made when naked.
Sadie is much more circumspect when she’s clothed, calm and not crazy with carnality.
Which is, of course, where the problem lies. Lust and desire often cause us to think irrationally, and make us forget the simple answers to easy questions like whether or not to use a condom.
Great article! SO true, all decisions about a condom should be made well before anyone is naked. And, I am with you. Wearing a condom relieves so much anxiety, it makes it all so much better and hotter. That mutual respect for each other can be super hot!
I want exclusivie sex with my boyfriend. As long as this is so, I never want to see a condom again.I need all of him…
As much as I would have loved to have a baby with my hubby, the fact that his first wife made him have a vasectomy over a decade before I met him has made it possible for me to not have to be on the Pill (which made me sick) or use rubbers with him (which I had to use with my ex and I can honestly say "forgetting" — yes, those are meant to be finger quotes — to put condoms on the shopping list more than a few times got me out of sex with him).Sorry, holy run-on sentence, Batman.In your case, definitely, condoms are a wise idea no matter how horny you get. When I was in high school *mumble* years ago, I remember the pictures they showed us in health class of what could happen if you caught all these nasty STDs and that image would NOT go out of my mind until my boyfriend at the time wrapped his rascal. *LOL* (I was an annoyingly practical teenager.)The few times in my life before hubby that I didn't use a condom when I should have, I was left with a TON of anxiety after the fact that totally buzz-killed any warm and fuzzy post-sex feelings.
You are right on both counts. That they are a neccessity when playing AND that these are decisions best made in light of day with clothes on. It is hard to remember all those rationales when naked and horny and those gosh darn things are just so inconvenient. Good on you for sticking to your guns – it is harder than it would seem, at least it always has been for me…
For me, becoming fluid bonded is enough risk management. Ideally, one std test before becoming sexually active, then one again 6 months later, should be enough. Combine that with the proper discussions and commitments to use condoms with anyone else that is not in the fluid bonded cirlce.
I think, there's a more general point to be made here. Though I'm not quite sure I'm putting my finger on it when I say that the decision to trust someone, be it with unprotected sex, unusual or different sex acts, or just with your naked body, is dangerous if it's made when hormones are overloading your system.I don't think you need to map everything out beforehand…but knowing, understanding, and trusting a partner's limits seems key to mutual enjoyment. And that sort of knowledge is hard to access when a few million years of evolutionary drive is telling you to breed.
LOVELY BLOG, IM A SHEMALE, KISSES FROM ITALY, HAPPY2010
Being too in the moment with my first husband is how I had my first baby! lol!
When I was younger and single I remember making a promise to myself to ALWAYS use a condom within the first few months of a new relationship. Due to a stressful one nighter with a stripper that jumped on my cock before I got a chance to apply the rubber. No infection was transmitted but I was sweating balls after that night until I got the test results.Anyhow, I almost always had a fucking good (clean) time with a condom on and reserved the first time with a person to only after we made a monogamous commitment to each other, which provided an opportunity to experiment with other forms of contraceptive. My fave being the foam which made me feel I was fucking a cream filled pussy.Now, wifey and I use the pill and condoms because WE WILL NEVER have another child for as long as we live. Once a month..or so, I get the urge to fill her pussy up with my cream.…and that’s my two cents – Tex
And the decision to not is never a decision that should be made when naked. You make such a good point here – I wish more people thought like this!xx Dee
^^^Wot she said!Our bodies are treacherous creatures when the blood is up.