There something highly intimate about the exchange that occurs between the two of us when I am sucking his cock. It’s an intimacy that extends far beyond the act itself, reaching into the vast territory of emotion, creating a space where I am able to witness in those oral moments the essence of who Dominic truly is.
He doesn’t really get it, doesn’t understand that sometimes I feel as if I can peer right into the core of his spirit when he’s pushing himself into me and groaning with pleasure as he fills my mouth with his girth. In fact, I would not have ever considered such an observational enterprise possible, yet it’s now become so apparent to me that there exists a portal to Dominic’s soul – and I can access it simply by sucking on his balls.
But it makes sense to me. We do so much controlling of who we are in our daily lives. We rarely relinquish ourselves so completely and with such shameless abandon as we do when we are experiencing extreme pleasure of this sort. We need to do this – we have to allow ourselves to spill out, lose control, enjoy ourselves, let go of restraint, experience arousal, wildness … freedom; and show someone, anyone, who we really are. Or at least … who we can be.
Perhaps this is why I love it so, sucking, licking … fucking with my mouth the cock of this man, more so than anything else we do together, salacious or otherwise. Don’t get me wrong, I love simply fucking him, too. But that act feels almost indulgent, as if I am taking more from him than I should, after he has already given me access to so much more than he had probably even intended. But then I remember the location of my portal- because when I am on all fours and he is behind me, fucking me and biting at my neck – that is where I lose control and forgo constraint; this is when I grant entry of my own.
It truly is a spiritual give and take, these sexual relationships I form. I can cross the threshold and see however much of someone that I choose to see, with whomever it is that I am involved with. And the opposite is true – I can choose to not bear witness, to keep such intimacy at a safely secluded distance, so as not to cross any boundaries that might ask us to elucidate our relationship, forcing either of us to go beyond what is comfortable or practical … or desirable.
But, for whatever reason, I desire to see Dominic, really see him in this highly intimate way. Perhaps it’s because I just really like who he is when we aren’t naked – when he his fully clothed and his he is his staid, restrained, subdued self.
And so it was a wonderful discovery when I realized this portal, this emotional gateway to the man whose moans of pleasure and whispers of yeah baby ultimately serve to create the proverbial passageway from were I can watch. And see. Who he is.
For a little while anyway.
Good enough for me.