The two of us stood eyeing the summer sandals on display; the rows of open-toed, strappy shoes a gentle reminder that the Texas temperature was climbing and we would soon be struck by the summer heat and thus reluctant to wear anything besides the cute, comfortable, slinky sandals splayed out in front of us. I reached for a pair of silver slingbacks. As I did, my daughter spoke ~
So, I think I’m ready to hear all about what sex is now.
Now? I asked, peering suspiciously around the store before I looked down at her and into her beautiful blue eyes… the ones that were meeting mine nervously.
I put the shoes back up on the rack. Baby, I said, you know that I am more than happy to talk to you about sex, but I think now is really not the best time. How about when we get in the car after we’re done here, okay?
Okay.
And with that, we were back to shoe shopping.
Later, when we were tucked within the quiet insulation of my little car, I embarked upon the informal soliloquy I had composed in my head just moments prior. I didn’t get very far, however, because she interrupted me in the middle of the second sentence ~
Umm… I think I’ve changed my mind mom. I’m not ready to know yet. I thought I was but I’m not.
Okay honey, I replied. You know you can let me know when you are ready, don’t you?
Yeah. I guess I need to wait until I’m ten. That seems about the right age, doesn’t it?
I think ten sounds just about right, sweetie.
She turned ten a month ago. And just as the heat has appeared… and lingers relentlessly still, so has my daughter’s inquisitiveness about a complicated, complex concept. I’ve had many opportunities since that springtime afternoon in the shoe aisle to revisit our conversation. But every time I ask, are you ready to talk about sex yet? I am met with a steadfast, but cautiously curious, No. Not just yet mom.
Knowing my daughter and the relationship we have, I can’t help but think that she will decide she is ready very soon.
But I will leave it up to her to decide exactly when that will be.
Cute…. I have two daughters, and I remember each time my wife had the sex talk with them, It was because she would ask me what she should say to them… I always get a chuckle out of it when someone ask my wife, how was your sex talk with your daughters….
My wife had the talk with our oldest just about six weeks ago. She’s 10. It was lovely. Because my daughter said that she was ready. And my wife did an incredible job. It gave my daughter so much confidence to know more. She had clearly become aware of so much and was missing out on the information to connect the dots on things. Now she knows what’s appropriate (in our view) for her age.
I love this post. It’s so sweet.
These are some of the most powerful moments inp parenting, when you feel like you hold your kids futrue happiness and enjoyment in your hands. Nerve racking. But empowering, if you’ve raised the kid well. Sounds like you have.
Some friends told me of some incredibly good books on sex for kids—yes they ARE age appropriate. But, they start for four year olds and to up to the teen years. I highly recommend them. Mostly, the kids just look through them but sometimes they ask me to read. Going through the body parts for the first time I found my greatest challenge to be reading the word “vagina” with a neutral tone. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE vaginas! But, I was trying to keep things even for the kids. And, at first I feared being TOO enthusiastic, then I feared that I’d been too negative. No problems. I passed with flying colors and they never noticed.
Of course, when my eldest was 7, he found a book on the table that I was reading (it was about the problems with NOT teaching our kids about sex, well or soon enough). When I explained what the book was, I also offered to answer any questions that he might have. His response: “No thanks, Dad. I already know everything.”
And I thought, “My job here is done…….”
Too bad he was bullshitting. So, he’s 8, and we’re starting to hint around the margins of the talk. I hope my kids are as well prepared as yours is.
My six year old daughter has been asking questions that skirt the sex issue for about a year. We always try to answer diplomatically using proper terminology but still give direct answers. When we ask my 11 yr old son if he has questions he just makes a face (EWWWW) and says I already heard too much (conversation with daughter).
Maybe boys are easier.
I don’t believe in “a” sex talk, rather an ongoing dialogue which I know Sadie has made reference to before.
My first proper conversation was spawned through my then seven year old asking about trans-sexuality after listening to a radio documentary. It rolled into homosexuality and then sex – all in a ten minute car ride! We also talked about condoms. His statement at the time was “I will use condoms because I want to have sex with lots of different women and not marry them and not have babies.” “Really?” I asked. “Yes, lots….like eleven.”
I know it sounds like a full-on conversation but it was just me answering honestly his questions until he said he was happy with the information.
Parenting is such an amazing journey!
“Yeah. I guess I need to wait until I’m ten. That seems about the right age, doesn’t it?”
What a precocious little darling! Thats so funny and cute. MAN my sex talks weren’t like this. I think I blocked out the one from my mom. Seriously. Was BAD and humiliating.