Ageism? What the heck is that?
We had been having a discussion on isms and ists, what they were, what they mean, and how it’s best to avoid being ist about anything ~ racist, sexist, fatist, elitist, creedist, nationalist… you get the gist.
It was ageism that piqued her interest and so she asked the question, her face twisted with curiosity. I explained to her how one might encounter an ageist remark or circumstance, and this concept so shook her sensibilities that I watched as she grasped hold of it tightly. As she did, she promised to never discriminate against anyone based upon their age or allow herself to fall victim to ageism herself without a total fight. Her heart is still so pure and so young that I wondered how she might ever even accidentally find herself separating people into groups of any kind. But I know that is about as possible as the likelihood that her legs magically morph into a mermaid tail so that she can swim across the gulf of Mexico.
But this conversation began one of what it means to be prejudiced and judgy and how being so doesn’t do anyone any good. We discussed isms in relationship to sexual orientations, jobs, cars, and yes, in relationship to relationships themselves.
Like, some people, I began somewhat carefully, might not think that open relationships -such as the one that your dad and I have- are acceptable and so they might say mean things or dislike us because of it.
Why is that? She asked.
Because it challenges their ideas of what a marriage should be. Similar to how the idea of gay marriage challenges traditional notions of what marriage should be. But really, we should be able to create the relationships we want, and how we want them.
My sweet daughter nodded in agreement.
I continued, confident now, that I could go a little further with it, You knew that your dad and I have an open relationship, yeah? (I might have been holding my breath. Yes. I was holding my breath.)
Yeah.
And I am certain that in addition to her nonchalant response of, Yeah, I picked up on an unvocalized but clearly conveyed… Duh, Mom.
And so she knows. And it’s all good. Why did I not think it would be?
The best part? She learned of it just as I wanted her to learn of it – without having to learn of it.
I liken this to the well-used paraphrase..
“Teach and preach always. When necessary, use words”
Fantastic. I love the conversations between your daughter and you that you share with us. Such wonderful little back and forths, and always lovely moments.
Kudos Sadie! What an intelligent, sensitive and non-invasive way to teach life to your daughter. And she’s such a smart little jewel xxx
Thanks, y’all
xox
Always drone responses. I appreciate the candor with your daughter. I would appreciate your daughter not educating my daughter about your ideaology of relationships. And I’ll do the same. Smart respect.
Why should she not Chin Lin? Do you not want your daughter to learn tolerance of other’s viewpoints and ways of structuring their lives? If the ideology you’ve instilled in her is strong, then there should be no danger of her conforming to another one, right?
Based on your comments here recently it is clear to me that this blog really challenges you to confront your fears. I applaud you for continuing to return despite that challenge.
xo~Sadie
Not too sure about the fear challenge thing?? But I am trying to understand your open relationship because I am tolerate and I teach tolerance by example. However my wife and
I want to teach our children and not a a ten year old pure heart.
Definately opened eyes for a family discussion tonight to not listen to other children about adult sexual matters. Would be more than glad to take this discussion/disagreement offline. Thanks CL
Well done! Living openly can’t have been an easy choice to make but it is by teaching kids about the -isms and about different models via our own attitudes that we make them, and us, “normal”.
Many a time, my parents have seemed to hold their breath, and then nearly wept when I reacted calmly, without shock or disgust or, frankly, much of an opinion at all. Just pure acceptance. Go Sadie’s family!
Maddie–
Curious, are your parents open in a manner similar to Sadie and Scott, where both marital partners play outside quite a lot, and also have a good lot of sex with each other?
Doug–
My father married young, very young, I was born when he was 22 and they had only been together a year, so he didn’t know what he was doing. At all. If my mom had dumped him for cheating, I’d be in a more typical family. She was much older and more adaptable, and he loves her with all he has, so it got to be that he could do whatever he wanted as long as he came back to her. (Intermingled with their drug problems which only truly ended when I was 13, 7 years ago.) As recently as the past few years he has had his options open, but I don’t think he’s much interested in playing the field anymore, and I don’t think my mom ever did. Now they are more open in that they are older, have their own hobbies and differences, and work well together by sometimes working apart. He travels a lot and works 12 hour shifts, and writes, and paints, etc.
And yes, through all this, my mom pushing 50, they have a very healthy sex life. I guess that might be part of it–sex isn’t all they want out of life anymore, so they don’t need to go elsewhere
There is plenty I don’t know, know I don’t know, and will gladly never know about my parents’ pasts and presents…and I really don’t need to. But I know enough. It’s a miracle they are still alive! And a fabulous one, at that.