Our entire lives together, twenty-seven years and counting, has been, we realized, a series of events where we’ve come together and then parted our separate ways, so that we might find ourselves; and eventually, find each other once again. This marriage has been the longest stretch of togetherness thus far, and just as we arrive at the fated fifteen year mark, Scott and I are making the difficult but very important decision to continue along the lines of the pattern we’ve established…
And once again, part ways.
Will this be forever? Who knows. I certainly don’t. All I know is what I know – I have committed to releasing any expectations, any attachment to outcome, and all the anger that has been threatening, balefully, to accumulate as a result of these expectations and attachments; I will not blame. I will take responsibility for my part in it.
I am coming to understand implicitly that separating is the only possible solution for any growth and all shifts that must occur in order for us to both live lives that are fulfilling. Be that separately or together. And I have become very clear that the only person that I am permitted to insist live in integrity, live with a commitment to growth, and operate in honesty and with respect towards others… is me.
It’s up to me.
And so I leave for the desert tonight. For Black Rock city and possibility. And in the two weeks that I am gone, I will begin creating the life that I know is here, the one that is waiting, patiently, for me to become aware of its presence.
And I will allow this genesis to take me.
Completely.
I’m wishing you the best, Sadie, wherever you might land.
I have full confidence in your resiliency & growth & integrity in this new chapter of your life. HUGS & I wish you the most restorative, explosive time of your life on your 2 week trip.
xoxoxoo
I know that WHATEVER happens, you know what you want from life and a partner. Have a great trip!
Whatever happens I always wish you the best and know that you are working towards the you that you need to be… (worst sentence ever, but I am happy to leave it there)
You are one of the most inspiring and wonderful women I know. Good luck, and rock on! xoxo
There is a saying that I like to use from time to time…
We end up where we are supposed to be…
Good luck and Godspeed…
You will be ok…
~shoes~
Oh homegirl you know if you ever have a fit of immaturity and need a get away driver, I am down. Take care of your bambina & yourself.
This is BIG Sadie! Yes, sometimes separating in the only way for people to continue growing. I also know how hard you both tried to stay together and work it out. I can sense your clarity and strength having arrived at this point. I hope that there are good times ahead of you. Wishing you a wonderul experience at Burning Man! xo
(((hugs))) I know this is not an easy decision to make and even if it is the right decision it is very difficult.
I’m here if you even need someone to chat with.
Dee
xo
You, Scott and your daughter will be in my thoughts during this transition. I can honestly say that my separation/divorce has allowed me to grow more as a woman and mother than any other single experience or journey in my life. I wish you a clear mind, a courageous spirit, a healing heart and a soft place to land.
good luck and be gentle with yourself. thanks for all your inspiring words and honesty. xxx
marriage takes tons of work, open or closed. sorry to hear of this.
i hope it works out for all of you. and if anybody can remain friends after all of the b.s., you two have the strongest chance of keeping it together.
you seem like good people and both of you deserve healthy relationships.
it took an ugly divorce and many nightmare dates to find the one for me.
i hope you find one dedicated to you. and her. and him. sorry, lost count. no math major here.
sending smiles your way.
Marriage
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My conservative mid-western values dictated my beliefs of who was entitled for the sanctity of marriage. Only a man and a woman engaged a monogamous relationship to rear their children with a bond bound by dedicated Christian faith. That was then. Sadie and others have changed my views of marriage entitlement, anyone, any faith any circumstances can apply in my mind. However, marriage requires a mature responsibility, to nurture, to grow, to create contentment together.
A happy marriage isn’t so much about marrying the right person. It’s about doing the right things with the person you married. It’s about:
1. Listening.
All marriages have disagreements, in happy marriages; a spouse listens to their partner’s problem and attempts to understand them fully. In unhappy marriages, spouses don’t listen. They shut down, ignore, belittle.
2. Forgiveness.
All spouses screw up. Happy spouses apologize and say, “I forgive you.” Unhappy spouses refuse to own up to their faults and move on after an apology.
3. Assertiveness.
All spouses are clueless from time to time. In happy marriages, spouses say what they want and need – and they say it in a language they can both understand. In an unhappy marriage, spouses communicate sarcasm, the silent treatment, passive-aggressive sabotage and hinting.
4. Affection.
Everyone craves adoration. In happy marriages, spouses compliment, thank, hug and laugh at one another’s jokes. In unhappy marriages, couples place what’s fair and “the principle of the matter” above making one another feel loved.
Being happily marriage isn’t a feeling, It’s not mythical quality. It’s a decision. People who are happily marriage wake up every day and decide to what it takes to stay happily married not matter what definition of marriage is. Alisa Bowman
What you are looking for is probably not in a desert or any other place for that matter, except your home.
Good luck, babe. xo
Not exactly sure on what is being said here… likely because I haven’t been paying attention for so long, but hope… hope you are going to be ok. You deserve the very best. Always. XOXO